That One Time I Accidently Agreed To Go On A Date

     When I was little my best friend was a trouble-making, goofy, adventurous boy and even though my mom disliked him greatly, I remember that I never had a dull moment with him. As the years passed I began to get more and more awkward around guys, and gone were the days were I could freely goof around with them. I can somewhat talk to guys, but I can't form complex friendships with any. Despite my awkwardness I do want to have a guy best friend because I know how important it is to have those kinds of relationships in your life. I thought my big break had come when I met a guy in one of my classes and we instantly hit it off. We goofed around and I treated him the same way that I treat my female counterparts. I gushed to him about handsome celebrities that I have crushes on, I bickered with him, I did goofy dance moves with him, I had him watch my back as I fell asleep in class. I even scarfed down junk food with him. He was no trouble-maker but he was fun to be around and I liked our new-found friendship. To me, the fact that he was a guy and I could treat him exactly like I treat my female friends meant that we were becoming instantaneous best friends.

    Well, a couple of weeks into our friendship he texted me and told me that we should hang out. As I've mentioned, I'm socially inept when it comes to guys, thus I agreed to hang out with him because we were friends and friends hang out. However, a couple of minutes after I agreed to hang out with my new best friend, I asked my friends for movie selections, as we were going to go see a movie together, and my friends proceeded to freak out, exclaiming over and over again that we were going on a date. Just as I was about to explain to them that we were only friends and nothing more, I got a text from him saying that he was looking forward to our date. As mean as it sounds, I was horrified. Don't get me wrong, I loved talking and hanging out with him, but only as friends. I was in no way romantically interested in him. He reminded me too much of myself and well at that point I knew him far too well and was far too comfortable with him, to ever see him in a romantic way. Besides, I was not looking for a relationship because I was too busy working, and schooling, and making amazing friendships to want to tie myself down. Yet, because I felt too guilty to let him know that it had been a mistake and that I did not want to date him, I decided to go on the date. I had convinced myself that if he did try to show any sort of affection towards me, I would tell him what I really felt about him. Moreover, I felt so ashamed that I had failed to see that to him our friendship was more than a friendship and that when he had asked me to hang out, he meant going on a date. I thought that I had showed him in every single way possible that I was in no way attracted or interested in him in a romantic way. I gushed to him about other guys!

    For the record, if I ever agree to go on another accidental date I am going to instantly let the guy know, in the kindest way possible, that it is a mistake. I actually got very lucky that he was too embarrassed to try to make a move on me and that the movie theater was so close to where I lived because our "date" lasted a total of twenty-minutes, not including the movie of course. We did talk but it wasn't the same as before because I know knew that what I had mistaken for friendship was more to him and I couldn't bring myself to continue to lead him on by acting in my regular goofy way around him. After the "date" he kept talking about all of the things that we would do and because I didn't want to hurt his feelings, I awkwardly nodded to everything that he said. When I finally got into the safety of my own home, I began to panic. What if he continued to ask me out on dates and I was too polite to say anything? Then I would have to continue to date him and possibly even marry him, because I just knew that I couldn't break his heart and tell him it had all been a mistake. I felt like the most horrible person in the world. However, in the days to come I refused to contact him and he didn't contact me once. To this day he still hasn't contacted me. I don't know what I did on this "date" that it made it so that he lost all of his feeling for me. I wasn't as goofy as usual, but I tried to make our "date" as easygoing as possible. Maybe it had to do with the fact that I didn't try to contact him afterwards. Maybe he somehow figured out that I wasn't romantically interested in him. Because I am socially inept when it comes to men, I have no idea what I did wrong. All I know is that I had an interesting experience, that I am glad is far behind me. 

    And that is how my almost friendship and almost accidental relationship with a guy came to an end. As much as I want  a guy best friend, I think I'll be sticking to male acquaintances and female best friends for a long while to come.