Learning To Accept My Brachymetatarsia

   When I was younger I used to love wearing flip flops and would wear them all of the time. I wasn't self-conscious about my feet regardless of the fact that I have always had small feet; in fact, right now I am a size three in kids. I was little and I could care less about the fact that people were always staring at my feet. Besides, everyone always found my feet "so cute". When I was in sixth grade, I began to realize that there was something wrong with my fourth toe on my left foot, which is probably around the time that it stopped growing. Family and friends began to comment on it and stare at my feet for completely new reasons. I began to feel ashamed and as a result began to cover my feet much more. Gone were the days when I would carelessly wear a variety of different colored and printed flip flops.
    Brachymetatarsia is when one of the bones in your toes stops growing. Usually, this occurs in your fourth toe, but it really depends on the person. Some people have this problem on both feet, and some people have this problem in their pinkies instead of their fourth toes. I never really knew how common this genetic disorder was until I googled it, but apparently its pretty common. You know what's also common? The shame that comes with it. Almost everyone who talked about it said that they were ashamed of it. Apparently I'm not the only person who refuses to wear sandals, and who makes sure to always wear socks-no matter what. I thought that this problem had gotten the worse of me; but compared to other people I don't have it that bad with my shame. I read stories about people who are thirty years old and are still ashamed of being barefoot in front of their spouses. I also read stories of people who refuse to show their feet to their own family members. My friends might not know about my foot problem, but my family knows exactly what my feet look like. Sure there are people out there that have come to terms with their brachymetatarsia. But there are far more people who are ashamed of their feet, so ashamed that their feet are always covered. There are some people whom even decide to turn to surgery solely for cosmetic reasons. I find it all incredibly sad; I mean there are other people whom have problems that are much worse then our's. Now I'm not saying that what we have is no big deal, because to those of us that have it, it is a huge deal. But there are people whom have deformities on other areas of their bodies that they can't hide and despite this, these people have come to terms with who they are and have accepted themselves. Yet people who have brachymetatarsia still find it difficult to accept themselves. Maybe it has to do with the fact that we actually have the option to hide our "deformity". If we didn't have this option maybe we would have accepted it long ago. I am tired of living with being ashamed about my own feet because they don't define who I am. And if anyone truly has a problem with it, well then, they don't have to interact with me. No one should live in embarrassment of who they are or have to resort to surgery to feel better. I'm not going to lie and say that it's cute or a piece of art; it is just a toe. A toe that happens to be smaller then the rest. I don't know if in the future I will decide to have surgery performed on my toe. If I do it won't be because I am embarrassed of it, or feel lesser with it. It will be because it will help my feet not feel so tired all of the time. But for now I am happy just being me-with my small toe and all. This doesn't mean that I will proudly show it to everyone who I encounter. It just means that I won't let it affect my life and allow it keep me from doing the things I want to do. Things like walking barefoot around the beach, pool, or my own dorm room. Let them stare and talk, ultimately, their actions will be their own undoing. The people who truly matter will love you just the way you are.